9-14-11

Dear Mommy,

I love you dearly, and while I understand where you're coming from, you're about a week late.

Love your first born,
Allie

Okay so tonight(like ten minutes ago) my mother decided to give me another one of her 'you need to loose weight so you don't end up unhappy like me' heart-to-hearts.

Yes I do love my mother, very much, but I hate, hate, HATE these conversations.  They always make me kinda pissy because it's like you want me to loose weight but you won't stop buying junk food, you won't get me a personal trainer, you won't get me a membership to the gym.

Like seriously!?!?!  I know that my sisters can eat all the shit they want and I know I have to loose weight so I can be happy with myself but seriously?  I hate these conversations.  And before you all go and say "omg you hate yourself? you need a therapist" or "you should love yourself for who you are in the INSIDE!!!" give me a break, I love myself, I'm not going to go kill myself.

But I can NOT be happy looking like this, I can't feel good wearing ugly clothes and constantly worrying if my rolls are jiggling or if my shirt got caught in them again. I wanna just be able to look down at myself and feel kinda good. I know self-esteem is what makes you feel happy about yourself, but I need this to give me a boost.

It also doesn't help that things like high-blood pressure, asthma, cancer, diabetes, etc. run in my family.  Oh joy!  How lucky am I and everyone else with this blood!?!

Okay sarcasm over, for now...

Hmmm What do I want right now?

I want to be able to wear a bikini.  They're sexy.  Nuff said : ]

I want to be able to wear an amazingly gorgeous prom dress.  NEXT YEAR!!!!

And I want a senior trip to wear said bikini at.  Hmmm any comments on how to talk my principles into this?  Blaghhh.  I wish I had a genie right now.