9-05-11

Here's what I want:

I want a boyfriend, not just any boyfriend, a guy who will text me once in a while and tell me that he loves me.  One that will sense that I am upset and run out and get me something small like a chocolate bar.  One who will be happy just being with me and not having to go out or do anything, just sit and talk and be with me.

I want to feel happy.  I don't think I've really felt happy for a long long long time.  I actually can't truly remember a time when I felt truly happy with myself.

I want cute clothes. I hate ninety percent of my clothes in my wardrobe, they're ugly and make me look like I have no hips\waist. I want to be able to wear a bikini and feel good in it(not have to worry about my THUNDER THIGHS!)

But most of all, right now, I JUST WANT TO BE DONE MY AP SUMMER ASSIGNMENTS!

Haha okay so the last one didn't really fit into the category of the other three but what ever. That's what I want right now. And one of those things I should be doing currently(can you guess what one?). 

Well this is me. I am Allie, Alexandra really but no one calls me that, I used to be Alex, but I'm rarely called that anymore, and this is me.  My mother once told me that in losing weight I'd find myself, I don't really understand what she means(except the obvious, that I'm hiding under a hundred pounds of fat and I need to find the good looking girl within) but this is me trying to figure out exactly what she means and trying to find out who I am.

I am a sister, a bestfriend, a cousin, a neice, a daughter, a grand-daughter, a great-grand-daughter, a friend, a shoulder to cry on, a nurse when need be, a mother to my adorable dog Rocky, an ex-girlfriend, a student, a wannabe chef...I could go on for ever, but I won't.

I know all these things, but in truth, I don't know myself.  I find myself looking in the mirror at times and thinking, who are you? who is that face staring back at me? and most importantly: how did I let myself get this way?

This is me trying to find out the answer to all those questions. And some others I stumble upon in my journey.

Now I really need to finish my AP Assignments because they're due tomorrow and I only have one of three finished : \